Better Know A Rotarian!

Best read while listening to the Dwight Yoakam version of Suspicious Minds... because of the constant paranoia behind everyone's motives in politics.

Happy New Year! In the past few weeks we celebrated Independance Day as well as our latest changing of the guard from one Rotary President to another. It only makes sense then that this edition of Better Know a Rotarian is devoted to... Marcia Lynch of course!

I sat down with Marcia in this election year while she was on the campaign trail kissing babies and shaking hands. We met at the Bread Basket, presumably because it's the best place for a morning photo op and her "people" had undoubtedly tipped off the Republican & Flyer that she would be there. You see, Marcia is an extremely controversial person, as most career politicians are. I personally can't think of a more polarizing political candidate in 2016 than Marcia Lynch (although technically she's not a candidate since she's not up for re-election this year). 

I of course learned all about this controversial figure from the most reliable of sources, Danville Chatter. You see, facebook isn't just for Pado posting about robots, or Susan Hill posting about casserole dishes. Facebook should primarily be used for reposting unverified political information and memes from blogs that, while possibly not true, support your overall position. Facebook is where I found out most of what I know about Marcia's political sneakiness. I heard she even executed a complicated coup of local government by being on the Town Council AND being the Chamber Director. I'm not sure where her email server is, but I will find out. Here is some more of the real dirt I picked up at breakfast:

• Marcia lives for her grandkids
• Marcia lives for Danville
• Marcia makes tough decisions we elected her to make that sometimes not everyone likes
• She was hired to be the Chamber Director, and voted to sit on the town council, and it's really not more complicated than that. 
• Did I mention she lives for her grandkids?
• She really loves the town and is trying to improve it. 
• The grandma thing cannot be overstated.

After our breakfast I realized two things: 1.) Marcia Lynch, whether you vote for her or not, is NOT a politician. She makes the decisions she feels is best for our town regardless of what it means for her politically. 2.) If your facebook post begins with something regarding "what the founding fathers intended", I will skip over your post. The founding fathers did not live in a world with Pokemon Go. 

Rotisserie Rotarians Update (this has nothing to do with chicken)

Best read while listening to Widespread Panic's live show at Red Rocks... because who doesn't have 3 hours to kill while reading a three paragraph blog post. 

No time to panic like the present.

So I just looked at the Rotary standings for the first time this season and I couldn't help but get a sense of deja vu. I went back and looked at last year's standings after two weeks. Last year both VanDelay & The Hyphen were sitting at 2-0, and I can remember them glowing with Happy Dollar Delight on Thursdays. Meanwhile, Doug Catt's Dog Cattchers were wallowing down in last place with the dregs (like Tim Wright). 

Side note on Tim Wright: When you combine all the football teams records that Tim Wright has a hand in right now (Warriors, West Bridge Powder Puff, Fantasy League, Paper Football) you come up with 0 vs. a very large number. Please list your next home with Tim Wright. He needs a win. 

Anyways, this year boy have things changed. VanDelay & The Hyphen are sitting at 2-0, while Catt & Wright are mired in last place. I'd like to point out that even though it's the same start as last season I'm completely calm with this. Because LAST year neither VanDelay nor The Hyphen made the playoffs, and the Dog Cattchers did. Tim however... yeah he should panic. 

-Your Crommissioner

Better Know a Rotarian: The Invisible Man

Best read while listening to "Down Under" by Men At Work... because Australia!

The Invisible Man

Tom Pado has a problem. He wants to be invisible. The problem is if you take one look at him, or have one conversation with him, or talk to anyone about him you'll have the same reaction to that sentence; "REALLY???"

Tom has lived life to the fullest, not just experiencing America but all over the world. He spent a large part of his professional life in Australia, I'd imagine playing with the dingos and Crocodile Dundee. He's been on news programs, spoke on talk shows, and rubbed elbows with Defense Secretaries & Generals. He's a successful inventor and entrepreneur. His career resume speaks for itself. So when Tom retired, he decided to get away from the spotlight and become a wallflower. 

Yes I know, you're all laughing now. Danville, Indiana is not where someone goes to be invisible. A brief list of how Tom is working to accomplish his goal of invisibility: 

1. New to Danville- In his defense he can't help this fact. New to Danville tends to stick out. Trust me, as an Avon grad I'm still an "outsider" to most even after 12 years.
2. Captain Fireplug- Has a charity to help the families of injured and downed firefighters. Doing good work in a small town gets attention (as it should, regardless of size of town). 
3. Married into a "Danville" family. Cindy may not be from Danville, but her kids are. I don't know if Trump would refer to them as "anchor babies" because of this... actually I do know.
4. Joined Rotary- Maybe a little pat on the back here, but Rotary is an organization that DOES things. We're visible in the community. 
5. Walks his dog regularly- I mean sure he may walk his dog by driving his signature jeep around town, but my point is the same. He's seen out and about town quite often. A hermit Tom is not!
6. Stories! Stories! Stories! Small towns are full of them, and anyone that can tell a good one always has a prominent seat at the table. Incidentally that's why Charlie gets to sit up front at meetings. 

Tom claims to want to be just another guy, but he will always fail at that goal. As is the case with many of our rotarians, retiring from his career didn't mean he was done being noticed or needed. A fact that all of us fellow Rotarians are grateful for. 

Better Know a Rotarian - A Tale of Two Danville's

Best read while listening to Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen because #TBT and his album Born to Run turns 40 this summer. Kevin Hill is 40(ish).

Kevin and I recently had lunch at Los Patios. He had a burrito, I had a Speedy Gonzalez (the Mexican restaurant lunch staple).

Kevin Hill grew up in Danville. Royal Donut, Schroeder's (formerly Burger Chef), and a love of everything Dick Van Dyke are part of his heritage.... wait, that's not Danville! Why actually it is. Kevin is from Danville, Illinois. He's traded in his past Danville for the Royal Theater, Burger King (where nobody eats), and a love of everything Andy Griffith. 

Kevin has been a huge part of Rotary's growth in the past year as the Membership Director. I looked this up (no I didn't) and we've added a staggering 40 members (give or take a few dozen) in the past 6 months. DO NOT FACT CHECK THAT STATISTIC. As if that's not impressive enough of a Rotary resume he's also the Assistant to the Vice President Elect. I believe that means if the President & Vice President & Speaker of the House & President pro tempore of the Senate & Secretary of State are all incapacitated, he becomes President. Wow is right.

His most prized accomplishment since joing Rotary however is his Danville Rotary Fantasy Football trophy he won last season. Ever since he won he's been wearing a crown on his head, which I found odd. When I asked if winning has changed him he took a big sip out of the golden chalice he now carries around and drinks from exclusively and declared "Nay, winning the figure league hath not chang'd me any. i am the same sirrah from anoth'r danville that i always was. i still associate with the less'r people from timeth to timeth." I believe the crown came from Burger King. 

BETTER KNOW A ROTARIAN

Best read while listening to "What Do You Like" by Graham Parker, because why not. 

Sat down with "Attorney For The Innocent" Terry Kessinger at Frank's Place for a brief conversation to better know a Rotarian. Terry had antipasto (which sounds like it should be illegal in a pasta place correct?) while I had the grilled chicken and a salad with no olives because they are from the devil. 

To say Terry is a complicated fellow would be inaccurate... wait. To say Terry is a complicated fellow would be a fool-hearty lie. Nobody would believe it. He's a man of a few passions that aren't hard to spot. I'll skip the golf part because I'm horrible at it and I suspect those who aren't don't work hard enough at other aspects of their lives so it's more of a fault of theirs and less an accomplishment. No need to mention his predilection for those cheaters the Cardinals, his Hoosier backing cancels that out and then some. There are two things that make Terry an important Rotarian to know: Music & Brews.

If you need a music history lesson you could do a lot worse, his breakdown of the ironic differences between Beatles & Stones fans vs. the two bands upbringing is pretty fascinating, but that's not what makes Terry's love of music important to Rotary. The symphony on the Prairie trips, the Kessinger's constant appearances at other Rotarian's musical events (Royal Theater concerts, volunteering at the Rotarian booth for Concerts on the Square) etc.. are all things that wouldn't be the same if you didn't see Terry and his better half there. Yes it's great that he supports and in some cases even helps organize these events. But his enthusiasm for music shines through and makes the evening more enjoyable for all involved. 

Which is when we come to the brew. Thankfully there is brew at all these events or Terry probably wouldn't be there long. Not only that, but neither would we more than likely. Listening to these music lovers (myself included) can be exhausting and lead one to the bottle quick. I mean, have you heard Terry's dissertation on the differences between Beatles & Stones fans vs. the two bands upbringing? Wow, hope you have a few hours. 

Honestly this is a Rotarian you should know better, or at least know better than to offer him a Coors Light, because he's more of a craft brew guy. Yeah, he's a little pretentious just like most Cards fans. Dang it I couldn't help it!

-Seth Cromer 

Call Off The Dogs!!!

The amount of subtle trash talk that I have been subjected to these first two weeks is appalling. It's hard to believe that Denise Hole(y)-Moley would make outlandish statements rubbing in her victory over me such as "Did I win?", and "Can you show me how to set a lineup?" This is a wolf in hole's clothing with her snarky digs. I know she practically invented the game of fantasy football. I know for a fact (no I don't) that she sold Jim Sorgi's house and he gave her inside information on who to draft (no he didn't). 

I figured in week two that I would get the respect I deserve as Crommissioner from a judge. Boy was I wrong. (The Honorable) Stephenie Lemay-RUDEken sent some extremely insensitive remarks my way earlier today. The text of which was something about a District Governor, new members, and a bake sale. Seems harmless until you read between the lines and realize she's really saying "Not only can you not govern your team, you need new players, and your team is toast!"

It's time to not only right the ship but take a stand against the barrage of barbs being sent my way. To help call off the dogs I will be changing my name from The Four Way Best to Doug Catt's Dog Cattchers. 

For those in the league wanting an update on their team... I have no idea how your team is doing. 

-Your Crommissioner

Minutes Minutiae

Yesterday was an exciting day for me, as it was my first accepted opportunity to watch the greatest minds of rotary mapping out a plan for our Rotary futures.

I'm not sure what I expected from this meeting... but I do know what I was hoping for. Have you ever seen British Parliament? Yeah that's what I was hoping for. Picture Tracie Schwarzenneger-Shearer pleading her case that the Mayberry stop serving so many carbs with their meals. Brad Baby-Bjorn firing back that because of Tracie he's wasting so much dessert now that people are going halfsies on his offerings (because not having dessert at all is NOT an option). Eric Oliver-Cline keeps screaming about his intentions to adopt the fledgling Amo Rotary Chapter, while Rex Champion-Dugan sleeps (sockless of course) in the back.  The Honorable Stephenie LeMay-Luken (the judge) is contstantly banging her gavel for order and The Honorable David Judge-Coleman (the judge) puts his head in his hands wondering where it all went wrong. 

In reality what I saw was a bunch of motions to accept things, motions to move on from things, plenty of seconds to the motions, a few items calmly ironed out. Schwarzenneger-Shearer wasn't upset about anything, LeMay-Luken didn't even bring her gavel. Rex was however asleep in the back. It was all very practical, efficient and calm. My visions of a reality television series surrounding our Rotary Club took a hit yesterday for sure. I'm guessing Avon's Board Meetings are far more like the Wild West. They don't even have a town square!